Debating

Back in the day when I thought getting pregnant would be as simple as stopping BC and BD'ing I had thought about how I wanted to let our families know. I knew I wouldn't be able to keep much of a secret from my parents and brother nor Matt's parents. Yet I wanted some cute way to tell our extended family and of course the all important Facebook. Well obviously I had plenty of time deciding on how I wanted to tell, when I wanted to tell and who I was going to first. During this time I realized that I will not be putting u/s pictures on Facebook (does Facebook get a capital F or not?). Don't get me wrong, if that is how you want to share your news or keep people updated I am not judging but I just know for me I won't be doing that. Now that I (God willing) will be able to share my news, in due time, I'm debating on whether or not to mention something about struggling with IF. In a way it would be outing me which anymore doesn't seem to bother me. I have gained some courage since seeing those 2 pink lines and don't immediately shut down anymore when someone mentions babies, getting pregnant etc etc. I know it doesn't bother Matt it was just another hurdle that we had to overcome in his eyes so it won't matter if I mention it or not. For those of you who haven't "outed" yourself yet when you do announce your pregnancy will you? Or has that thought not even crossed your mind. I will say work is super duper slow right now so I do have a lot of extra time to sit around and think about this stuff!

I am 4w2d and am bloated to all get out. I know a lot of it is from the prometrium which is fine I will take it and if it is an excuse to wear yoga pants all the time well I am all in! I am also super exhausted. Going to bed at 8pm sounds magnificent and the other day I took an hour and half nap after work. Going out and taking a nap in my car has been suggested to me but not one I have done yet, emphasis on yet. I also have all day sickness not just morning sickness which is still fine. I will take it because to me it stops me from eating junk (always a positive) and it gives me a sense of calmness that I still am pregnant. Now if only June 4th would hurry up and get here!!

I am keeping all of you in my prayers, the ones who are in the early stages of pregnancy, the ones who have upcoming Dr appointments and the ones still waiting their turn which will come soon!

A Late Mother's Day Post

Yesterday we all know was Mother's Day, duh as if all the Hallmark commercials weren't enough of a reminder! Which I could go off on a whole other direction however, I'm not. As weird as this sounds, the day didn't feel much different from previous ones. I know that I am pregnant and that hopefully next year I get to really celebrate Mother's Day but this year, I just simply wanted to celebrate my mom.

My mom and I are so much alike, to the point Matt even calls me little Stacey. Now, had he called me this 5 years ago I would have argued till I was blue in the face. Now I just smile and say yep I am. I embrace this now because like my mom, I'm stubborn, I go after what I want and I don't like to hear the word no. Now beings that mom and I are so much alike we have definitely had our fair share of fights. One of the hardest times in our relationship was the first summer home from college, wowzers were there a lot of fights. Yet we made it through and it took me going off to college to see that my mom wasn't the enemy. Now if a day goes by that we don't talk it is weird. We still have our fair share of arguments but they never really last more than a day. She frustrates me, I frustrate her you know how the relationships are. Yet, I am so very lucky to have her as my mom.

So this Mother's day I chose to only think about my mom and what an awesome grandma she is going to be.

Just a Quick Update...

Beta #3 came in at 1017! No more blood draws!!! So very happy to be done with that. Still not sure if insurance will cover those or not but anymore it really doesn't bother me.

On the farmers wife side- our corn is all in just have to get the soybeans in but we have had off and on rainshowers since Monday making it too wet. Let's just hope we are able to get them in before Memorial Day that way Matt and I can spend some time together!

And...EEEKKK more exciting news for some lovely ladies!!!! Makes me sooooo happy!!!!!!

Our Own Language

First off I want to say THANK YOU for all your kind words. The amazingness (don't think that is a word) of this community that I have found continues to surprise me. So from the bottom of my heart, thank you.

I have noticed something over the last couple of days, basically ever since I got the good news; we infertiles speak a language that most of the people in our lives don't understand. We are like our own secret club that most people don't want to be a part of but if you are one of the "lucky" ones, well welcome aboard.

In this club, we speak our own language of cycle days, medicines, treatment paths, symptoms, and general frustration with the world. We can mention that we had EWCM and others know exactly what is going on. We talk about a low progesterone number and no one looks at you weird. You mention that your first beta was good, the second was excellent and now the third and non IF people are confused, why are you taking so many blood tests?  When we mention the medication we are taking some look at us like, "oh so you are going to have like 6 kids at a time now?" When we get upset people tend to walk away instead of being there for us. Then should we ever bring up the money we have all spent trying to start a family, the looks are almost too much to bear. But here, here in our secret club there is no judgement, there are only words of encouragement, never ending support, and people who understand. The one part of this club that is different from others is that once you are a member, you will always be a member. We all want the same thing, happiness and for the vast majority of us that is our own baby, for some it is finding peace knowing that they will never get that. Yet, no matter how we find our happiness, we are always there for the other members rooting them on, offering consoling words, or just simply letting each other know we are there for them.

In all honesty, you ladies were one of the first people I wanted to tell (obviously besides our parents)! I knew you would all get it, you knew the struggles, you have lived the struggles and that made your kind words mean all the more to me.

So while I never wanted to be a part of this club, I am so very grateful for all that it has taught me. I'm grateful for everything I have learned about myself, about Matt and I's marriage and about life's ups and downs. I am grateful for the bloggy friends I have =). Most importantly I am so grateful that I have become more grateful of the little things in my life. I also don't think I could use the word grateful one more time!

And just quick update- 2nd Beta came in at 511, had my 3rd one this morning so I probably won't get results until later tonight or tomorrow morning. We also set my first u/s appointment for June 4th eeekkk!!!

Keeping my fingers crossed out there for you guys still waiting test and a big yippee to those who are getting their BFP or who are starting on their next path!

So...the wait is over

***This post has been 3 days in the making, I apologize for the absence but I''m back now***

So my TWW ended with a....BFP!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was in utter disbelief when I saw it because I had been crampy the days leading up to my test so I was just expecting AF to show up. I also had my doubts since my progesterone was low and wasn't where they want it to be. But none of that mattered because I'm Pregnant! It sounds so weird to say yet. I had my first beta and the number came back at 122. It was nice to be at the high end of something for once! My next beta is on Monday so please keep your fingers crossed.

I do want to say thank you to all of you for always being there, always rooting for me and please know that I am always always rooting for you guys!

My First Award!

I feel so lucky that Ann (The Infertile Optimist) blessed me with The One Lovely Blog Award.

  Like me she knew she wanted to be a mom but wanted to live life first. Her writing just hits a spot with me and I can relate. I love that about the blogs that I read that I can relate, no matter the reason for infertility or the treatment path I can relate to the writer. I'm so glad I came across her blog because I love finding new blogs to read and I hope that we can encourage each other on our paths.

Here are the steps to follow after receiving this award:

• Share who gave it to you with a link back to their blog. (See above)

• Write down seven random facts about yourself.

• Give this award to fifteen other bloggers.

• Let them know they've won.

• Pop the award on your blog.

Random Facts
1. I played the piano for 6 years and I'm sure if I sat down today I could still play, I think it is just like riding a bike

2. I HATE bacon and can barely eat eggs. I know right the farm girl doesn't like eggs and bacon I'm not sure if this also makes me un-American.

3. I have only one sibling, a younger brother. After many years of not getting along we finally are closer than ever before

4. I was a 10 year 4-Her and the fair was my favorite part of summer, actually it still is

5. The only class I ever failed was Chemistry in college and when I took it again, D stood for diploma!

6. I am deathly afraid of haunted houses to the point I almost threw up the last time I was in one

7. I can't stand the smell or taste of coffee, yuck

Now onto the gifting-Which I don't think I can do 15 since a lot of my followers have already received it so I will just do as many as I can.

Dawn- Mission: IMPOSSIBLE...so far
Alexis-Our Journey Through This Lovely Life
Melissa-My Weight Loss Journey/PCOS Story
Lucky As Sunshine
Infertile625-Hidden Infertility
Keep Calm Carrie
Stephanie- Goodluck Try Again
Emily-Working on a Better Me
Bird Meets Bee

Now onto letting the lovely ladies know!

Nothing Exciting

My TWW is almost over. Nothing feels different but hey who knows right!? Anywhoo I had my blood draw last week along with a fasting glucose test. My fasting glucose number was down 7 points from where it had been the first time which I will take as a win. Now I'm sure it can be lower but hey we can always stand for some improvement somewhere right? My progesterone, however, was 8.8. I realize it is an improvement and I am staying positive. Repeat I am staying positive! I did go to good old goog.le and there have been some stories about positive tests with that low of progesterone. So please keep your fingers crossed! The nurse P did tell me that should this cycle not work then we will up the dose and give it one more try. If still a negative then we move onto the injectables and Matt and I move onto a break from Dr. S. 

On another note, I have a workout buddy! An old friend from my 4-H days and I reconnected and we are motivating each other at the gym. It definitely keeps me motivated and makes me not want to miss since I have someone counting on me to be there. I will say that my shin splints have come back with a vengeance so I have opted to do more of the elliptical and bike. Eventually it seems like I get over a hump of some sorts and they go away so I've been taking it easy and walking on the treadmill at a ssssssllllllllloooooowwwwww pace but hey none is better than some.

Nothing else is really going on with my life these days, these TWW's are super boring actually! Either way I will take a for sure TWW over anything else. I also want to give a shout out to a fellow bloggy friend who did get her BFP and I am super excited for her, even though I know this is late in saying but yay Scarlet!

Oh and if anyone can help the dumby here who tried to upload a new background from The Cutest Blog on the Block and somehow I couldn't get it to work =( so any help would be greatly appreciated!