I Was Then I Wasn't

I've been a bit quiet over here.

I was pregnant and now I'm not.

I was in complete shock when I took the pregnancy test on February 5th and it was a strong positive. I knew I had ovulated but I thought we had missed the window. Apparently not and we were ecstatic. Ecstatic because this pregnancy happened with no help, it happened like it was supposed to. It happened like it does for non infertiles.

I called my ob because I wanted the confirmation of a blood test like I had with Reagan. I knew I probably wouldn't get a 2 or 3 but there was something about having that confirmation. That definitive answer. I had my blood test on February 6th. I got the call that afternoon with a number of 674. Such a high number and I again was overjoyed.

The nausea and exhaustion was there. The all day nausea. The wanting to take a nap in the middle of the day, as soon as I got home from work and going to bed after I put Reagan to bed. I forgot just how tired you are during the first trimester.

And then I tried out those Clear Blue tests. The ones that tell you how far along you are. The first one I did say 2-3 weeks. It made sense. So I went with it. And I took another and it said the same thing. Still thought it made sense. So then because I was addicted I bought another box. This time it again said 2-3 weeks. I began to worry because it shouldn't say that anymore. It should have said 3+. But I still had nausea, I was bloated, I was exhausted so that test must be wrong.

So just to reassure my paranoid self, I was able to secure an ultrasound earlier than normal with my ob. It was scheduled for February 26th with my initial appointment the following day.


To be continued...

March, Are We There Yet?

Things change fast, decisions we thought we were good with can be changed at the drop of a hat.

Well one decision we thought we were good with was waiting till January to go the RE. That would get us through the holidays and we could start 2015 off with a bang.

Well after a lot more talking and figuring, March is when we are going to the RE. We have 2 pretty big farm payments to make in January and February. I'm not looking to put more financial strain on so Matt and I both decided that it would be best to get those out of the way and then we can focus on baby #2. Now of course all this is thrown out the window should we be blessed before that!

I know I say it almost every post I do but how is it seriously December 8th??? In less than a month I will have a two year old. Believe me the terrible two's have already hit. We have meltdowns over the silliest things. Now I realize, to her they aren't silly but having a meltdown because I won't let her have an oatmeal cream pie, Trix or chips before supper. Sometimes it is hard not to laugh because she looks so pathetic! If I do laugh I make sure I am turned away from her or I walk out of the room. Matt is horrible about not laughing.

Finally,

Christmas pictures this year! She was so much more into them and the photog's set was beautiful!

 I had to show this one, well because Reagan looks super cute and Matt, super creepy

 A much better family picture

Her dress, $20 from Zulily

Here Mama was what she was saying

 This face, complete hand caught in the cookie jar

Be still my heart because my baby isn't a baby anymore

 She loves to rock-n-ride and this fake snow was so slippery she was having a BLAST!

I never knew how much I loved your daddy, till I saw how much he loved you!

Picking pictures for the Christmas card was hard! But thanks to Pampers rewards we got Christmas cards super cheap from Shutterfly. I will share the final card once I get it!

How is it November 1st?

This post has had several title changes, because every time I think about writing it I realize the date has changed.

How can it possibly be November 1st already? How are we full steam ahead to the holidays? This just seems absolutely mind boggling.

What else is mind boggling is that I haven't blogged in so long. That is what harvest does to me. I have no time to sit down and write anything much less make my brain focus enough to put a post together. Well, harvest is still going on but I'm forcing myself to get this post done.

My No Spend September went fairly well. I had a few times I bought things that weren't an absolute necessity but for the most part I feel like I should make this an ever other month habit. Trying to keep finances in order is not a fun part of being an adult.

With that being said and Christmas literally knocking on our door, my goal is to not put anything on a credit card that I cannot turn around and pay off. I do not want a Christmas shopping hangover in the new year. Of course there will be more on Christmas later, because we have to get through the month of November.

Other exciting news, we are officially ttc for baby #2. For now just temping but come the first of the year if we have no luck we will head back down to Dr. S. Not wasting too much time messing around this time!

I realize this post is so scatter brained but I do have some other posts planned such as my working mom guilt, raising a daughter and such.

For now though I will leave you with some pictures of the cutest Elmo I've ever seen =)

Pondering Baby #2

I swear there must be something in the water these days. The amount of pregnancy announcements I've seen or heard or read about seem to multiply by the day. They aren't as hard to see like they used to be, but yet they still stir something within me.

When we found out we were pregnant with Reagan I was like YES, we finally made it to the club. The pregnant/mom club. Now as time has gone on ( time doesn't stop so we can catch up with everyone else? say whatttt?) people who were pregnant while I was pregnant or even after I was pregnant are expecting again. This is when my brain starts reeling. Should I try and get pregnant again? What if I can't get pregnant and it takes a long time? What if I never get pregnant again? What if it happens right away?

Then I stop, shake my head and tell myself to pull it together.

I'm not pregnant now because that's not where we are, we aren't ready for another baby. I'm on BCP for goodness sakes! Don't take that as I wouldn't be overjoyed if we were pregnant because I would be! But I just know the financial strain, emotional strain and every other strain that it would put on our family right now. I always wanted a big family, at least 4 kids. Matt says 6 but after having Reagan he has quickly changed his mind! I also said I didn't know who he was going to have 6 kids with but it wasn't going to be with me!   After the struggle, I don't know if that will happen and right now I'm choosing not to think about it.

I kind of feel like Scarlett O'Hara at the end of the book, "After all, tomorrow is another day."