**This is my post for the PAIL Bloggers monthly theme.
The theme for August is Feeding Your Child**
There is a country song that has a line in it, "If you want to hear God laugh, tell Him your plan," and at first I never paid attention to that line but as time has gone on, it really hits home. I had a plan when it came to feeding my child, yet like so many other things (our journey to get pregnant!) it didn't work out how I wanted it too...
Even before I was pregnant, actually before I ever thought of becoming pregnant I knew that I was going to breastfeed and my hope and goal was to breastfeed exclusively. I would like to tell you that I did a ton of research on the benefits of breastfeeding for mom and baby but I didn't. My knowledge of breast is best came from something I knew about, my cows. When our cows calve we prefer to leave the babies with the mama's for at least 6 months because it is better for the calf and helps the mama breed back easier. In my eyes this was enough of a reason to know that I was going to breastfeed. Then as my pregnancy continued I learned of other benefits of breastfeeding, weight loss, quicker healing, cost, etc. Again, enough of a reason for me.
The first bump in my breastfeeding road came when we had an unplanned c-section. Everything went smooth but I didn't get that immediate skin to skin like I had wanted. However, it didn't seem to bother Reagan since she had no issues latching. This made me excited, made me think that this breastfeeding thing was going to be a breeze! Then the jaundice issue arrived. Her pediatrician called it breastfeeding jaundice and suggested that we give her some formula. Not news to tell a new first time mama who had post partum hormones running rampant! Thankfully I was keeping her satisfied and she hardly took any formula. The only other hiccup we had was that she would not nurse underneath a blanket or nursing cover which made it difficult with all the doctor appointments so Reagan learned to switch back and forth from a bottle to breast with no issues. Again, we knew we were so lucky!
Then I went back to work at 7 1/2 weeks and that is where the issues started. This is also the point that I wish I would have done some research on pumping and storing. As I went back to work my actual nursing sessions became less and less frequent and my supply fell off. I tried everything, oatmeal, mothers milk tea, power pumping, beer and nothing would make a lasting difference. I had told myself that if I had to supplement I would and I wouldn't get upset about it when I started shopping at the formula section of Wal-Mart. However, there was a piece of me that felt like I failed. I know there are tons of working moms who are able to exclusively pump/nurse and I would compare myself to them. I felt like well if they could why couldn't I? I even felt that green eyed jealousy monster towards the moms who were able to stay home longer with their new babes. Not right but I swear once you have been pregnant your hormones are never the same! Then after awhile I let it go, knew I was doing the best thing for Reagan but every once in awhile I will see someone talking about breastfeeding exclusively and it still stings.
Then we started on foods and I have been making her food for her, nothing fancy by any means. However, it does save money and it makes me feel like a good mom. The only things that I have been buying have been the gerber puff and yogurt melts but as soon as I get some time and a recipe I will be making those myself.
I'm still pumping but it is getting to the point I should hang it up. It takes me 3 days or so to get 6 oz so she isn't even getting a bottle a day anymore. I knew this day would come I just wish it would have came on my terms. Once again, I had a plan of nursing/supplementing till she was a year old and it just isn't going to happen. This move may be just as hard as moving Reagan to her crib from our room a few months ago. Pumping, no matter how little made me feel like I was doing something good, I was being a good mom. I also feel that if I quit pumping that I was just that, a quitter. I know crazy right!? So I tell myself, when the bag of storage bags is gone I'm done pumping...but we shall see.
Being a working mama and trying to breastfeed is hard but it is just as hard to be a mom and breastfeed period! Through all this though as long as baby is healthy, happy and growing then I'm doing my job just like every other mom.
