Thursday, February 26, 2015

I Was Then I Wasn't- Part Two

The spotting started on Thursday the 19th. But I wasn't worried, it was hardly there and it was brown. Brown=old so no worries.

Monday the 23rd it went from brown to red.

I called the doctor and the nurse said to take it easy and not lift anything heavy. Easy enough so when I got home Reagan and I burrowed into the couch with a blanket and watched a movie.

Matt came in and I passed some tissue. I told him he needed to take me to the ER.

We arrived and I couldn't even say the word miscarriage without breaking down in tears. Matt was awesome and told them what they needed to know. To add a little insult to injury, the lady behind me in line was in labor. Yup here I was having a miscarriage and there is a lady in labor behind me.

5+ hours later Matt, myself and my empty uterus left with orders to follow up with my ob.

My ob and nurse were understanding and comforting. Reassuring me that I did nothing wrong, this thing happens to about 1 out of 5 pregnancies. But that it does suck. 

My HCG levels that night were 2714. Today they are 323.

I'm glad that it is falling fast. I just want this nightmare to be over. I know though that no matter what, Matt and I will never forget.

People ask me how I am feeling. I'm not sure what to say. Physically I am ok, mentally I don't know how to put it into words.

I'm not okay right now, but I will be.


  1. I'm sorry Meg. I know this feeling and it's heartbreaking I hate that you are feeling it. XOXO

  2. So Sorry.. my heart is broken for you both.

  3. Tears. I think you are so brave for sharing this.

  4. I HATE this for you and I am so sorry Megan.

  5. Long time follower, first time commenter :) I found your blog when I was struggling w/ secondary infertility. 2yrs ago next month this also happened to me. I don't know if it will help you but I thought I'd pass along what my ob said to me that helped me get through this. That the silver lining in all of this is that your body got pg, on its own! It helped me see through the dark and sure enough it happened again and I now have a healthy happy 6mo old.

  6. Ugh, so sorry to be reading this Meg. Life is so unfair...sending you big hugs xoxo

  7. I was so sad to read this!!! I can't imagine. I haven't talked to you forever but feel free to email me if you need to :)

  8. Megan, I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. My heart is breaking for you, I just can't imagine! I hope God brings you & your family healing and I hope you are blessed once again. I believe he will bless you once again, you seem like an amazing mother!