Thursday, March 29, 2012


The local bar in my hometown has wings on Wednesday night and sometimes after work we go there, have some drinks and talk about things work related or not. Last night I went with my boss, a few customers and our previous manager of the facility I work at. As we are eating dinner my phone rings and I see the number and recognize it immediately, the RE's office. Now for some reason I have yet to save the number into my contacts, not sure why, but I knew as soon as I saw the area code I knew it was them. In the back of my mind, I knew it wasn't going to be good news because I had my progesterone drawn on Tuesday. I did have a slight bit of hope that maybe they were calling to remind me to have another fasting glucose test to see if the Metformin is working because I need to get that done again. I let it go to voicemail because the bar doesn't have the best reception. I probably should have waited till I got in the car because the sweet nurse P told me that my progesterone was 6.59. Wow, awesome job body. Now she did say that I did ovulate because anything over a 2 they consider an ovulation but they would prefer it be 12 and above. I stayed a bit longer and probably looked like I was in a daze and finally had to leave. I call Matt, who mind you, was on a tractor working ground without a cab, but somehow through my tears he understood. The nurse P said that should I not be pregnant this cycle we need to switch medication and she mentioned Femara or skipping that and going straight to the injectables. She said she was going to put the information in the mail but did mention that the injectables would run about $1000 a month. So that led to even a bigger meltdown because while things are going good with Matt's new business and we are comfortable in our living situation, spending a $1000 a month for who knows how long would leave us quite strapped and that is obviously not something we want. I then proceeded to have another meltdown about how this isn't fair, how no one should have to spend this kind of money to have a baby. How this wasn't how I wanted things to go, etc, etc. I haven't had a good meltdown/cry about IF in a long time and it felt good to get it out to be honest. The end of this drawn out saga of a night, Matt, in his sweet husband way, tells me, well you could already be pregnant and this could all be for nothing so that is what we need to think about. If we have to do the injectables then I guess we take some time off and save. So if you would, please cross your fingers and say a prayer that I am pregnant this cycle and it won't come to having to spend thousands of dollars. I appreciate all of my blogger friends so very very very much because you all get it. It is hard to explain to people, even my mom and friends because they haven't been through it. So thank you for listening, all the advice, the hopes and the prayers.

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

My First Ever TWW & Some Pictures

So I am well into my first ever TWW and I am trying to keep my mind busy. Work and spending time with Matt in the shop has helped tremendously with it. There are times that I do let my mind slip into the happy thoughts that eeekkk we might be pregnant and just as soon as I start to think on the complete opposite side and think well just cause your body did some of what a normal body does, doesn't mean that it went all the way. So for the most part I am trying to stay in the middle of the road, not swaying either way. I did have my blood drawn today to check my progesterone level and as long as it is above 12 they won't be calling me so fingers crossed I don't hear from them!

Saturday was Matt's birthday, the big 2-9! I managed to not tell him that I had gotten our friends together to go to dinner and then out for some drinks (well a lot of water for me, which led into some questions from the boys). Texas Roadhouse is where we all met for dinner and if you don't know, on your birthday they bring out a saddle on a sawhorse and make you get on it. So of course we let our server know it was Matt's birthday and the saddle showed up and being a good sport he got on.
I think he enjoyed himself
Another way I have been occupying my time this past week has been some picture taking. Now I am by no means a photographer but since Matt got me an awesome camera for Christmas I love taking pictures around the farm, playing with the settings and of course taking pictures of my fur children. So below are some of the pictures I've taken.
This is Doby, she is 14 yrs old and we have had her since I was in the 8th grade but she is still just as tough as nails and doesn't take any guff from Zoe or the other pups.

This guy was perched across the road from us on Sunday

My Zoe pup, pretty sure this was the best idea Matt had when he brought her home.
Chase, Matt and I's first furbaby together and probably the sweetest dog in the world if he would only realize that he is a big oaf and not a lap dog.

Deep down they do love each other
Some of the cows at my parents, we have had a few babies and more should be coming as we get into April

Thursday, March 22, 2012


So I am just absolutely giddy!! I have somewhat started tracking my temps and yesterday I had a slight dip. So I was somewhat excited thinking that my body actually did what a normal persons does and O'd. Last night as we are getting around for bed I decided to POAS because I had some Answer OPK's left. Now I had quit the POAS habit because I was throwing money in the trash because I could never get that elusive second line to show up. Lo and behold, that second line showed up!!!!!!!!!!! This is a HUGE milestone for me because as long as we have been on this journey I probably haven't O'd. So here is my 2 pretty lines please ignore the crappy photo and the glare from the lights.

So this is just another box checked. I feel like clearing hurdles is a reoccurring theme with us IF gals as a few other ladies have posted about crossing some hurdles. So keeping my fingers crossed for all of us as we each clear our own hurdles!

On side note, I realize I'm a day late in saying happy ICLW week. This is my first time doing this and I have found some awesome blogs to follow that are all on this IF journey. So if you are stopping by feel free to check out the tabs at the top that give a little info on me! Looking forward to keep reading new blogs.

Monday, March 19, 2012

It sure is Monday

I feel like I am 10 steps behind on everything so far today, I can only imagine how the rest of the day will go. At least the sun is shining and it is supposed to be in the 70's today and nice for most of the week. So I had plans to update after my ultrasound on Friday but when I got back to work it was a tad crazy and then Matt has hijacked my laptop and has taken it to the shop and there just isn't a conducive place to sit down and write out there.

Friday I was a nervous wreck and was putting every bad scenario into my head on my drive to Dr. S's (I have like an hour and a half drive so you can imagine the time I had to put these scenarios in my head). I, for the most part, was convinced that I did not produce any follicles. My body has been screwed up for too long so clomid wasn't going to give me follicles. Lo and behold I did have 2 pretty little follicles on my right ovary measuring 16 and 18. Given their sizes I did not get my trigger shot Friday but had to give it to myself this morning. Now I have given plenty of shots to cattle over the years but giving it to myself was a whole different ballgame. I managed and even Matt was impressed that I did it all on my own. So now, tomorrow night hopefully my body does what it is supposed to do and ovulate. I have a blood draw on the 27th and as long as my progesterone is above 12 I won't be getting a phone call. So I am hoping to not hear from the doctors office. I'm kind of nervous, I've never had a 2WW before (well at least that I know of).

On the weight loss side of thing, things have been a bit stagnant. I've lost a little bit but since coming back from Vegas, being on the provera and such I just feel like I need to restart and kick it into high gear. Which brings me to my next point of weekly goals.  My goal this week is to get my food journal back up and sticking with it. Wish me luck cause I have been ever so bad about it lately.

I had reflexology done on Thursday. I had no clue what reflexology was when I heard that the place where I tan and get my nails done (my 2 girly things that I do) was offering it once a week so I doing the only logical thing, I googled it. Basically there are trigger points in your feet that correspond to things in your body. So I make an appt and have it done Thursday thinking it might relax me for Friday. The girl gets started and mind you I had not said a word about anything fertility or hormonally related and she asks me if I have any hormonal issues. Umm well, yes, I am a hormonal train wreck actually. So she worked those areas extra hard, said she got a response and when I left I felt like I was walking on air. So I have another appointment Thursday so see if there is any improvement. Either way, my feet felt amazing and it was worth the money.

So here is to a new week and hoping that my Monday gets better.

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Free and Clear

The HSG was not as bad as I made it out to be in my mind. However, it was painful and crampy but I survived and am FREE AND CLEAR! Another reason I love Dr. S was he talked me through it the entire time and then showed me the images after it was done. It was interesting to see and he was reassuring that things are good to go. Even the tech who was helping made the comment that a lot of women get pregnant after having one of these done. She said she has had woman come back and get it done just to get pregnant with their 2nd, 3rd etc.

Matt was able to go with me which was super sweet of him. We also got to eat at Raising Cane's, they have yummy chicken tenders and are something we don't have around here. Took me back to college days and was just the comfort food I was craving. One thing checked off my list for this week. Thank you ladies for all your kind words and reassurance, they mean the world to me.

So bring on the ultrasound and trigger shot on Friday, I'm ready!

Sunday, March 11, 2012

Sunday Thoughts

I've had a lot of things running through my head these past couple of days. So why not list them all out and maybe it will clear my head and get me ready for the upcoming week.

1. I took my MIL shopping yesterday because she needed to find a gift for a nephew (well her grandson obviously). It was in that hour and a half car ride that I finally told her about the issues Matt and I were having. Whew, what a weight off because I know that they had been asking when and all Matt told his dad was that there were issues. To finally get it out there, well it was time.

2. I am super scared/nervous and excited for what this week brings, my HSG and ultrasound. Gah one minute I'm scared the HSG might show something, another I'm afraid I will have no follicles then I get all excited that THIS could be it, so many emotions.

3. Why must people air their dirty laundry on facebook, drives me insane!!!

4. I'm such a fan of The Voice, I also possibly have a huge celeb crush on Blake Shelton and Adam Levine!

Oh I'm sure there are more things that are on my mind, actually there has to be right cause I can't be that simpleminded. Either way, it feels good to get those out there and out of my mind even though I know I'm still going to be scared/nervous for the events this week, if only this came easy.

I almost forgot, I figured out how to add tabs at the top! So I layed out Matt and I's love story and our TTC story!

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Long Time No Post, Vegas and Exciting Stuff!

Whew it has been a while since I posted and I'm sorry but between nothing exciting or interesting to write about and Vegas the time wasn't really there to post either. Now I'm back though from Vegas (had a blast), AF came but not till Sunday (great timing) and I have my HSG scheduled along with my scan!

First things first, my Vegas work trip. It was awesome, I told Matt I can't wait to take him out there because I think he would love it! We did some gambling, saw a show, walked around, did a tour and ate some amazing food! I will share just a few pictures because there were times I was a complete tourist with my camera around my neck and I was completely OK with it.

The iconic sign which I somehow missed the first time we drove by it

This is where we stayed, Paris, and it was so nice and pretty all lit up

The Bellagio fountains.  I never got tired of watching them

It wouldn't be Vegas without Elvis

Statue inside Caesars Palace
 I also won some money on the penny slots but I didn't play any card games or dice games because they intimidated me.

AF showed  up full go on Sunday and it couldn't have been any better of timing. So yay we get to move onto the next step. My HSG is scheduled for next Tuesday and since Matt now works from home he will be going with me. I then have my scan scheduled for the 16th and then it is on to the baby making and hopefully good results! I will say it again, Dr.S's staff is super sweet and nice. The nurse I talked to allowed me to walk through my upcoming schedule 3 times and never got annoyed with me. Ah to deal with nice people is such a breath of fresh air. While I was on the phone with the nurse she did give me Matt's SA results and he is stellar, his count and motility were well above where they needed to be which makes me feel better knowing we don't have to deal with that hurdle.

So that is my last week or so in a nutshell. Things are going good for Matt being home now, he has had a couple of jobs but it is hard for people to get excited about lawn mowers when it goes from 60 degrees to snow. Thank you all for your encouraging words and support, you have no idea what it means to me.