Thursday, April 26, 2012

Don't Ignore...how IF will change you

So I have been thinking about what to write about NIAW and Resolves theme of Don't Ignore. I have read some great posts by some pretty amazing ladies and they all say things that resonate with me. Maybe that is why we are all so lucky to have each other on our crazy rollercoaster rides to becoming parents. Either way, I have come up with some things that really hit home with me.

Don't ignore and don't forget who you were before IF took over your life. Remember that carefree person, the person who knew that they wanted to be a mother but also knew that kids weren't in the picture for awhile. The one whose conversations with friends and family weren't about where they were in their cycle but about redecorating the house and other boring adult talk. The person who could have a drink when they had a bad day, who didn't have to wait till AF showed up to indulge. The one whose life wouldn't revolve around charts, medicine, shots, ultrasounds, doctors appointments, fighting with insurance, blood draws, do I really need to keep going?  While I can't deny that IF takes up a big portion of my life, it doesn't need to be my whole life, it SHOULDN'T be my whole life.

Don't ignore just how strong you have become. This journey isn't for the weak, maybe that is why each one of us was chosen to take this path, because God knows just how strong we all really are. It takes strength to come to the realization that children aren't going to come easy like they seem to come to other people we know. It takes strength to give up our privacy like we do with out Dr's, to bare it all time and time again or with our friends and family who know the ins and outs of our cycles. It takes so much strength to pick up the pieces after another failed cycle, to fake a smile when people ask when are you going to have kids. It takes a huge amount of strength to log into facebook and see a plethora of cute baby pictures, baby bumps and ultrasound and not punch the screen. Probably the hardest part, the part that takes the most strength is to not let anger, bitterness, and jealousy consume you. We all don't know how strong we are until being strong is the only choice we have (thank you pinterest for all the wonderful quotes you supply this quote junkie with).

Don't ignore the fact that this will change relationships. Some relationships can't handle the stress of IF and some become so much stronger. Some friendships will fall off to the side either because the friend is one of those fertile myrtles, doesn't feel like they have anything to say besides the well it will happen, or maybe they just weren't that great of a friend to begin with. Your relationship with your significant other will change. I have found that it has made Matt and I so much stronger. Sure we still struggle with certain things but I know that if we can survive IF we can handle anything else. IF will also give you the opportunity to create new relationships with people that you never thought you would have anything in common with. For instance, the lady who does my nails and owns the tanning salon, while she is in her late 30's we still have the connection of IF and she understands why I might be having a bad day or the side effects of medicine. Old schoolmates who you know but to have IF in common can bring you even closer. Sometimes it is an old friend who life just got in the way of your friendship but you meet up again and realize that IF is something you both can work through together. Then there are all my bloggy friends, the amazing woman that I won't get to meet in person but know that they are in my corner just as I am in theirs.

IF can take a lot away from us but there are good things too. While it is not easy ignore the bad because it is always there, the constant reminder that you don't have a child of your own; IF will make you stronger, makes your relationships stronger, show you who truly has your back and make you a fighter.
(I might add that I am horrible at conclusions, I hated writing them for every paper and they were always crummy)

16 comments:

  1. Amen, sister!
    Your post-conclusion sentence made me laugh! I thought it was a great ending :)
    I agree that we have all been chosen to walk this path because we CAN handle it. It may change our lives in ways that we never imagined, but in the end it will make us eternally grateful people! XOXO

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    1. Conclusions were one thing teachers from high school to grad school always took points off for! If I have one thing to be thankful of IF for it is the grateful part like you said. Well I guess you could add patience to that list as well.

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  2. Ah, I'm so sad when I think about who I was before my IF took over my life. I just felt so... free. Without knowing I was free. I felt like the whole world was wide open in front of me. Now I feel like I'm standing in front of a 50 foot electric fence with a sign that says "no bum ovaries allowed." Sucks!

    I agree with you, though, that it's making me a stronger person. I guess I also feel wiser to the ways of the world, but I'm not sure I like that! :)

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    1. It does make me sad, because had I known we were going to have all these issues I wouldn't have waited so long and had this perfect little plan in my head. Hindsights always 20/20 I guess.

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  3. So true! We never knew that we'd have to be so strong, but now we know we have it in us to do so. Thanks for finding me! I look forward to following your journey!

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  4. Hello from ICLW! Thank you so much for your NIAW post. So thoughtful and so true. I love the whole strong part!!! ...and you're right about friendship/relationships. It really does change so many of them. You learn pretty quickly which friends are in it for the long hall and truly want to journey with you.

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    1. Thank you! Yes I have learned over the years, mainly since my wedding who my real friends are, which is sad but I guess a part of growing up.

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  5. You are so, so strong! When I started openly saying I was infertile, I found out who a lot of my real friends were. Surprisingly enough, a lot more of my male co-workers support me than female. One girl acts like it's a catching disease.

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    1. It does surprise me that people that I have an IF connection with and it is nice to have these people IRL as well, not that I could ever forget all the support you have given me!

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  6. You are strong!!! Keep moving forward and you will get stronger everyday!

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  7. Thanks so much for the comment on my blog! :) I also look forward to following your journey. Crazy...reading thru your blog, right off the bat we have 2 things in common....PCOS & being married to a farmer! Have a great day!

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    1. Thanks for stopping by, glad to have a farm wife who can relate to all my frustrations about my dear husband and his farming ways!

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