Guilty Pleasure

So I am going to admit this for the whole blogging world to read and please don't judge me too harshly.  Matt and I have a guilty pleasure that we indulge in on Monday and Friday nights, professional wrestling.  We watch WWE Raw on Mondays and if we are home on Fridays we watch Smackdown.  Now I am not sure what made us start watching but it is something that has sort of become our thing.  Regardless of how trashy, fake or whatever it is still something we do together and I think that is the important thing.  Besides, some of the scenery isn't too bad either :)

So last week I said I was going to post some goals.  Here is what I have so far.

15lbs- pedicure
30lbs- massage
45lbs- new pair of silver jeans

I know it is not many but it is something that I am hoping to achieve because who wouldn't want a pedi, (which is already scheduled for the week before Vegas), a massage which I have wanted since getting one before my friends wedding, and Silver jeans, well I just love them but not their $90 price tag.

OK tomorrow is the day to see if I reached my 7lb goal so stay tuned!

Fate

I am and have always been a firm believer that everything happens for a reason and that everything happens in His timing.  There are two major events in my life that I often cite when I talk about things happening for a reason, Matt and I getting back together and my job.  When it comes to Matt and I, we had dated when I was in high school up until I went away to college.  I thoroughly enjoyed my time in college, dated and had a LOT of fun, (obviously because I put most of my weight on my senior year). Low and behold though, on a fateful day I went and had lunch at Burger King and Matt was there.  We started talking again and eventually dating again.  From there it just made sense, he made me happy, supported me and loved me and we got engaged and married 2 years later.  The other major event in my life is my awesome job.  I graduated from THE Ohio State University with dreams of walking into a job and quickly rising to the top, unfortunately, this was not how the world worked. I started at a job, and it was just that a job.  I quickly learned that what I was doing was not something I wanted to do the rest of my life, at the time though it paid the bills and with the economy it was better than nothing.  One day in March I was summoned to the office and told that I was being permanently laid off.  Woh, this was not in my plans, I was getting married that year, had plans of going back to school, and Matt and I starting our lives together.  I didn't need to be laid off and have that extra burden.  Somehow, this layoff was a blessing in disguise because I got to help with things with the wedding that would have been more difficult had I been working. Fast forward to after the wedding and I had been applying for jobs till I was blue in the face.  I got a lead on a job due to Facebook and got the call for an interview just hours after I sent off my resume.  After 2 interviews, I was offered the job and have not looked back since.  I realize that was long winded and I applaud you if read it all. Matt says I tend to ramble and I guess it is true.  Regardless, these events happened for a reason, not too soon and not too late.  So when the time is right I do believe in my heart that Matt and I will become parents.  I'm thinking that I'm not supposed to have a harvest baby and that is why clomid hasn't worked for the past cycles. 

Speaking of clomid, the third round was a failure.  I think I was mentally preparing myself for the phone call from the nurse and the next step.  We set up an appointment with the doctor for next Wednesday and Matt will be going with me which will be nice.  The nurse said that she believes the doctor will recommend that we see a specialist.  Somehow, I had a gut feeling that it would eventually come to this. So now, we wait and see what our options are.  Nothing will be covered by insurance, yay, (that is dripping with sarcasm). One thing I do know is that Matt and I will become parents it just may not be when we think it should happen.

When it comes to weightloss I have been doing good nothing has changed since my last weigh in but still sitting good to hit my goal of 7lbs by the end of the month.  Another blog I follow listed her goals and the rewards after hitting each goal.  That is on my to do list this week, make a list of goals and rewards and post them on here to once again make me accountable. 

Vegas Baby!

I've thought about things to write all week but never took the time to sit down and actually write them so here is a whole week wrapped into one!

As the title suggests I'M GOING TO VEGAS!!!!! It is for work but still Vegas!  I leave on February 29th and come back on March 3rd and our conference is the 1st and 2nd so I will have an extra day to take in the sights.  I have never been there and am super excited about going, even if it is for work.  The conference is at Paris Las Vegas I believe, not that I really care exactly where it is but still.  Dear sweet Matt was funny when I told him that I was going.  His response was, looking at the dog, guess you will have to fight the dog when you get back for your spot back on the bed. He is such a dear.  Some other work related stuff, we let a person go this week and it needed to be done a long time ago.  Either way it finally happened and the atmosphere around here has changed dramatically for the better.  Which in turn makes the day better and morale is amazing!  It is amazing how one person can drag the entire place down.

I have been reading the Insulin Resistance Diet Book and let me tell you I really like the concept of it.  It is all about balancing your carbs and protein.  Keeping in mind that you don't eat more than 30g of carbs in a sitting and if you do then you need to balance it with at least 14g of carbs. You can eat more protein if needed and include vegetables.  The book lists a bunch of servings of each carbs and proteins and makes it easy to see your servings.  I'm still reading it but so far so good.  It just makes sense to me about limiting your carbs but not completely getting rid of them.  I have 3.3lbs left to go to meet my goal of 7lbs for the month!

It is CD 20, blood test tomorrow.  Nothing exciting at all.  Not sure if we are going to do another cycle of Chlomid if this one does not work or we take a break or what.  So wishing, hoping and praying.

Choices

I hear that song in my head by George Jones about having choices in my life.  Then I think about the choices I've made in my life, every day.  Everyday I make the choice whether to wake up early and work out or to put it off till I get home from work.  When I choose to hit the snooze I'm choosing to take time out of my evening to spend an hour plus working out knowing that there are other things that need to be done.  Now I will say on the days to do Zumba it is just better if I wait till the evening to do it because my brain just isn't quite functioning that early.  Anyways back to the choices that I've made.  Last night I made the choice to workout instead of sitting on the couch and being a bum.  I made that choice because I knew that it was the best choice for me.  An hour an thirty-nine minutes and 616 calories later I was tired but so glad I made that choice.  When it comes to food choices I get the same satisfaction from making good choices compared to bad ones.  Now I'm not perfect and I do make bad choices but one thing that has changed since I have decided to make better choices is that when I do make a bad choice I acknowledge it and move on.  There is no point in dwelling on the bad choice and in all actuality it probably wasn't the worse choice in the entire world.  No matter what path I take, I'm always going to have choices and when it comes to managing my weight I know that eventually the choices will be easier.  I won't be as tempted by the bad choices and I'm hoping that this lifestyle will no longer be a choice just a fact of life.

On the PCOS side, the more I read about this disease the more frustrated I become.  Whether its because of the mood swings, the irregular periods, the insulin resistance, how it is harder to lose weight, etc etc.  However, I have another choice (recognizing a pattern with this post), I can let this disease define me or I can accept it, figure out how to handle the symptoms, and to make this work.  I'm CD12, nothing exciting, nothing new just kind of boring.  Still holding hope that this level of Chlomid will make me O and we can go on from there.

Well now I'm off to work out because I chose to hit the snooze this morning! 

My Love Hate Relationship with the Weekend

Let me be the first to say that I LOVE the weekend.  When the clock hits 4:30 on Friday I am out the door excited for things that I have planned to do or lack of sometimes!  My problem with the weekend is that I get off track.  I sleep in, (till 7:30 or so but hey I will take it), and don't get a workout in my normal time.  From there it continues to spiral because Matt and I go out to eat, have some drinks and then the process continues the next day.  Sometimes the complete opposite happens too where I don't eat enough calories because I am not on a schedule and just don't feel like eating/making something/cleaning up the mess!  Now I will say that I feel I make better choices when we go to dinner or maybe don't eat everything on my plate and bring it home for the next day or give it to the dogs.  However, we are eating late on the weekends because by the time Matt gets chores done and gets around it is usually 7 or 7:30 before we leave figure in wait time and waiting for our food and it can be 8:30 or 9 before we eat.  I know that is not good but I don't think there is much of a chance of changing it because there will always be chores.  Now I feel like I may be making excuses and I don't want it to sound like that because I'm not it is just how my weekends go and I'm not sure how to change them.

I'm on the 4th day of Chlomid and things are still ok.  No big side effects except a dull headache on the first day.  First and foremost I'm hoping this is the dosage that will make me ovulate and we can go from there.  Nothing else to say besides thank GOODNESS AF has left, I can feel energy coming back to me!!

I went to the big (that is a sarcastic big) library in my town and ordered 2 of the Insulin Resistance Diet books.  From reading other woman's journeys with weightloss this seems to be a popular one with woman with PCOS.  So when they arrive I am excited to dive into them. 

My BFF was here yesterday for some major girl time, (who doesn't need that), and we were discussing my PCOS.  Her and my other BFF were up here before Christmas and I told them about my diagnosis and they were both uber supportive. Talking to A yesterday she informed me she Web M.D'ed PCOS and she was like everything it said about you fit you too a T.  The hard time losing weight, the lengthy cycles etc etc.   It just made me feel good to know that she was understanding, loving and supportive.  She even gave me the African Fertility Doll she received as a wedding gift for safe keeping for awhile. 

So cheers to the weekend and to a brand new week that holds lots of possibilities!

The Biggest Loser and Goals

The Biggest Loser started a new season tonight.  I usually DVR it and then catch up like a half hour into the show because I have come to loathe commercials since we got the DVR.  I see these contestants and their starting weights and the ones that are close to my weight, I think in my head, is that what I really look like?  Sometimes I think I have a distorted view of myself, sometimes it is good and sometimes it is bad and there are times when I feel I look decent then I see a picture and I get frustrated.  I get frustrated with myself, the choices I've made and how I could let myself get this big.  Then I resound to make a change and it sticks, for awhile.  Sure some of the things have stuck, I don't snack like I used too, Matt and I are eating supper earlier, I'm cooking more, not eating out as much, but still there must be more.  Maybe I am slipping back into old habits and I'm not realizing it.  I mean I know this week I've eaten out 3 times but they have been good choices or better choices than I may have chosen.  Yes I realize I could have not eaten out at all but sometimes it comes down to convenience.  I don't want to sound like I'm coming up with excuses but it sure sounds like it.  Either way, I'm hoping to make progress just like the new contestants on The Biggest Loser, although losing 20+ in a week probably won't happen on my Biggest Loser quest.
Here are my current measurements
Hips- 56
Waist- 44
Chest- 49
Thigh- 29
Arm- 19

My goal is 7lbs for this month.  I will be using my Wii Fit to measure and see if I reach my goal.  Hopefully I can get pictures posted by the end of the week because visual is always helpful.

AF has arrived in all her glory.  She sucks the energy and motivation right out of me.  I just feel like curling up in a ball in bed and not moving for 4-5 days.  I will be taking 150mg of Chlomid starting Thursday.  Nothing really exciting going on there, but nothing is better than something bad right?