Thursday, March 29, 2012

6.59

The local bar in my hometown has wings on Wednesday night and sometimes after work we go there, have some drinks and talk about things work related or not. Last night I went with my boss, a few customers and our previous manager of the facility I work at. As we are eating dinner my phone rings and I see the number and recognize it immediately, the RE's office. Now for some reason I have yet to save the number into my contacts, not sure why, but I knew as soon as I saw the area code I knew it was them. In the back of my mind, I knew it wasn't going to be good news because I had my progesterone drawn on Tuesday. I did have a slight bit of hope that maybe they were calling to remind me to have another fasting glucose test to see if the Metformin is working because I need to get that done again. I let it go to voicemail because the bar doesn't have the best reception. I probably should have waited till I got in the car because the sweet nurse P told me that my progesterone was 6.59. Wow, awesome job body. Now she did say that I did ovulate because anything over a 2 they consider an ovulation but they would prefer it be 12 and above. I stayed a bit longer and probably looked like I was in a daze and finally had to leave. I call Matt, who mind you, was on a tractor working ground without a cab, but somehow through my tears he understood. The nurse P said that should I not be pregnant this cycle we need to switch medication and she mentioned Femara or skipping that and going straight to the injectables. She said she was going to put the information in the mail but did mention that the injectables would run about $1000 a month. So that led to even a bigger meltdown because while things are going good with Matt's new business and we are comfortable in our living situation, spending a $1000 a month for who knows how long would leave us quite strapped and that is obviously not something we want. I then proceeded to have another meltdown about how this isn't fair, how no one should have to spend this kind of money to have a baby. How this wasn't how I wanted things to go, etc, etc. I haven't had a good meltdown/cry about IF in a long time and it felt good to get it out to be honest. The end of this drawn out saga of a night, Matt, in his sweet husband way, tells me, well you could already be pregnant and this could all be for nothing so that is what we need to think about. If we have to do the injectables then I guess we take some time off and save. So if you would, please cross your fingers and say a prayer that I am pregnant this cycle and it won't come to having to spend thousands of dollars. I appreciate all of my blogger friends so very very very much because you all get it. It is hard to explain to people, even my mom and friends because they haven't been through it. So thank you for listening, all the advice, the hopes and the prayers.

17 comments:

  1. Oh Megan! I totally get it! The shear thought of having to spend thousands to tens of thousands of dollars to have a baby makes me furious! It's bullshit! Praying that this is your cycle & this won't be an issue for you at all! Praying!

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    1. I haven't had a meltdown in forever and all my thoughts about the unfairness of everything because we should be spending money on the baby not trying to have the baby!! Gah it can drive a perosn insane!!

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  2. Megan I completely understand where you are coming from. I myself did the injectable cycles along with iui before we moved onto ivf. Hopefully they can give your current protocol some time and see what happens before making that move.

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    1. This was my 4th round with clomid so I understand moving onto something different and after talking with the nurse we are going with the Femara should it come to that.

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  3. Megan, I'm so sorry you had to get that phone call! I am also hoping that you can try Femara or give another protocol a chance before jumping straight to injectables. The good thing is that your body did get something right with help this cycle! Sometimes it takes a while for everything else to catch up. Just remember you are your own advocate. I think your body can do this, it just needs some time to figure it out. Hugs to you today! XOXO

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    1. I called and talked to the nurse today and she was still very positive that even though this number was low I still could end up with a positive. She hopes that the next time she hears from me is to ask for blood test, not that AF showed up. Also after talking to her we will be going with Femara instead of skipping straight to the injectables should it come to that, fingers crossed that it doesn't!

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    2. Squeezing my crossed fingers so tight for you!!

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  4. I hear ya on the melt-down Megan!! However, I've got my fingers crossed that everything is going to turn out for you this month. That is a terrible amount of money to come up with every single month. Hugs and well wishes.

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    1. Thank you! I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you too!!

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  5. Fingers and toes crossed for you! I have meltdowns still, it sucks. I'm on cycle day 3 and had a little meltdown on Tuesday in the shower.

    This sucks, it's not fair. You are such a good person. This will happen for you.

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    1. I was due for a good cry because I let it bottle up usually which isn't good.

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  6. Oh boy do I get it...sometimes it feels like everything piles up and just hits you when you least expect it. Hope you have better days ahead...

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    1. Thank you and I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you!

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  7. Oh, I am so sorry to hear this! I've been in similar shoes before and I know just how heartbreaking that news can be. I know it's hard, but try to take this all one step at a time. When going through IF treatment all of the options, things that might go wrong, the money, etc...these are all so overwhelming! But God will provide you exactly what you need at exactly the right time. Also, meltdowns are perfectly acceptable...and often needed! :) It's ok to allow yourself to get frustrated--you need to get those emotions out--just don't let yourself stay in that place too long. Don't lose hope!

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    1. One more thing: Having gone through a long battle of treatment and finally (Thank God!) having success, I hope this comes across as encouraging...rather than making you want to punch me in the face! :)

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    2. I for sure found it encouraging because your pregnancy hasn't been smooth sailing even thought it is now! We are going to be using Femara and hoping that helps bring my progesterone level up and we end up with a pregnancy.

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  8. My fingers and toes are crossed that you are pregnant and you don't need to go on to injectables.

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