It Was the Best of Times, It Was the Worst of Times...

Pumping that is.

Today is my first full day of not pumping and while I am okay with the decision, but I didn't get there overnight. It took me over a month to decide that this was the best time to quit pumping. I knew with harvest approaching it would be near impossible. Plus, it wouldn't be fair to the other counterparts in the office to leave them hanging.

When I made the decision to quit pumping I went back and forth quite a few times. I placed a lot of guilt on myself which was completely unwarranted I know but nonetheless I did. My guilt came from the feeling of quitting. I have never been a quitter, even on certain things or jobs but I was raised that if you started something you finished it. Yet here I was, giving up before I reached my goal of one year. I was quitting. Irrational yes, a bit dramatic of course but this is how I felt. Then I started thinking of other things. I don't have to pack the pump, make sure I have enough storage bags, cleaning pieces and parts, it feels liberating. For example, I have to work today and be at work by 8. My brother and future sis in law are watching Reagan and they go to 7:30 mass so I had to have Reagan to my parents by 7.  I got to sleep an extra half hour because I didn't have to pump this morning.  Plus I didn't have to drag another bag out the door. Score!

So tonight I have to clean the pump and I am going to put it away in the closet and hoping that I will need it again.

If I Had to Choose Again...

4 years ago today on  bright sunshiney gorgeous September day I said I do to an amazing man. A man who has seen me at my worst, a man who has seen me at my best and every where in between. I couldn't imagine spending my life with anyone else.

I've wanted to write a post about Matt for awhile, ever since Reagan was born I have wanted too but other things have come up and it keeps getting pushed to the back burner. So no time like your anniversary right!

My open letter to Matt,

There was no love at first sight for me, I didn't have time for a boyfriend and quite frankly didn't want one. Little did I know the plans God had for us when I met you that night. As time went on you were always there through those crazy high school years and somehow I think you knew what was coming when I went off to college. I broke your heart over a phone call, it wasn't fair to you and down right cruel to just drop you like a hot potato. I won't lie though, I had a blast in college but you did cross my mind, when a song would come on, driving somewhere, eating at a restaurant. Maybe it was subliminal hints, telling me who I was meant to be with. Running into you at Burger King that summer day I'm pretty sure was fate. Hanging out that summer felt comfortable, like that old worn in hooded sweatshirt in the back of your closet. From that point on, I knew in my heart I was going to marry you.

Source-Pinterest

Our wedding day was everything I had ever hoped for. While the cards have faded, pictures put away the memories are still there and will always be close to my heart. Our first years of marriage weren't perfect. We had our ups and downs like any couple but it made us stronger and our love deeper. They say love grows in little houses and I couldn't agree more. When we knew we were ready to have a baby you were my rock when things didn't go as they should have. Your no nonsense approach was what kept me grounded and pushed me to keep going. You knew it would happen and it did.

The day we had Reagan I was so scared. I wanted her to arrive safely and knew a c-section was the only way to guarantee that. You being there and supporting me in whichever way we decided to go was priceless. Then I sent you home to gather up all the bags and extra stuff. To this day I'm still surprised you were able to get it all there. I melted the first time I saw you holding her and even now my favorite site is you and her together.

While things aren't always perfect, we worry, we fight, we make up please know that on my darkest days you are always there and when you slip and stumble I am there for you to pick you right back up. There are days I take you for granted but please know that I would be lost without you. I am the luckiest woman because I get to call you my husband and father to our children. So happy anniversary Matt, I love you with all my heart. 

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Checking In

I feel like it has been forever since I have had an update on Reagan. Time just slips away because I now have an 8 month old, like seriously!

She has learned to pull herself up onto everything! The sitter said on Friday she came back to her standing up in the crib just smiling away. Reagan has added her fingerprints to the collection on the back door at the sitters as well. After seeing her standing up in her own crib we lowered it way down so now when she stands up in it she can't topple over.

We are babbling, talking and yelling and sometimes all at once. Baba is the favorite word followed by Mama (not being biased at all!). I still have not heard Dada (Matt says he has) though so I just told him we know who the favorite is!

We have 4 teeth coming in all at once. Poor girl has been a champ through it. There are times when she is fussier and doesn't know whether she wants held or to be left alone. At those times it is best to give her a cold chew toy, lambie (her favorite blanket), binks and put her in her crib.

She will take a few assisted steps but nothing major yet. Getting anything done around the house with her crawling everywhere is darn near impossible. When I am trying to get things done she spends time in baby jail (aka the play pen). She also manages to find everything that the sweeper or swiffer has missed and feels that it needs to go into her mouth.

She understands the word No but doesn't always like to abide by it. The first time you say no she smiles, the second time she giggles and by the 3rd time I have moved her away from the object and usually a tantrum ensues. Lord help me when her terrible 2's come along.

Hey new friend!

After swimming bottle with Aunt Nikki

Blueberries-1 Brutus-0

Um Mom please let me out

Calling All Ladies!!!

Because I have been feeling so awesome since starting on advocare I decided to do another 24 day challenge. I'm inviting all of you (if you want of course) to join me.

All you have to do is order by tomorrow to get your product and we are starting on the 3rd. If you click on the tab at the top that says My Advocare Site then click on shop. The 24 day challenge button is at the bottom.

If you are still nursing, shoot me an e-mail at mefredritz at gmail dot com and I can help you order the correct products.

Hopefully some of you decide to join me!

Feeding a Baby-Working Mama Style

**This is my post for the PAIL Bloggers monthly theme. 

The theme for August is Feeding Your Child**

There is a country song that has a line in it, "If you want to hear God laugh, tell Him your plan," and at first I never paid attention to that line but as time has gone on, it really hits home. I had a plan when it came to feeding my child, yet like so many other things (our journey to get pregnant!) it didn't work out how I wanted it too...

Even before I was pregnant, actually before I ever thought of becoming pregnant I knew that I was going to breastfeed and my hope and goal was to breastfeed exclusively. I would like to tell you that I did a ton of research on the benefits of breastfeeding for mom and baby but I didn't. My knowledge of breast is best came from something I knew about, my cows. When our cows calve we prefer to leave the babies with the mama's for at least 6 months because it is better for the calf and helps the mama breed back easier. In my eyes this was enough of a reason to know that I was going to breastfeed. Then as my pregnancy continued I learned of other benefits of breastfeeding, weight loss, quicker healing, cost, etc. Again, enough of a reason for me. 

The first bump in my breastfeeding road came when we had an unplanned c-section. Everything went smooth but I didn't get that immediate skin to skin like I had wanted. However, it didn't seem to bother Reagan since she had no issues latching. This made me excited, made me think that this breastfeeding thing was going to be a breeze! Then the jaundice issue arrived. Her pediatrician called it breastfeeding jaundice and suggested that we give her some formula. Not news to tell a new first time mama who had post partum hormones running rampant! Thankfully I was keeping her satisfied and she hardly took any formula. The only other hiccup we had was that she would not nurse underneath a blanket or nursing cover which made it difficult with all the doctor appointments so Reagan learned to switch back and forth from a bottle to breast with no issues. Again, we knew we were so lucky! 

Then I went back to work at 7 1/2 weeks and that is where the issues started. This is also the point that I wish I would have done some research on pumping and storing. As I went back to work my actual nursing sessions became less and less frequent and my supply fell off. I tried everything, oatmeal, mothers milk tea, power pumping, beer and nothing would make a lasting difference. I had told myself that if I had to supplement I would and I wouldn't get upset about it when I started shopping at the formula section of Wal-Mart. However, there was a piece of me that felt like I failed. I know there are tons of working moms who are able to exclusively pump/nurse and I would compare myself to them. I felt like well if they could why couldn't I? I even felt that green eyed jealousy monster towards the moms who were able to stay home longer with their new babes. Not right but I swear once you have been pregnant your hormones are never the same! Then after awhile I let it go, knew I was doing the best thing for Reagan but every once in awhile I will see someone talking about breastfeeding exclusively and it still stings.

Then we started on foods and I have been making her food for her, nothing fancy by any means. However, it does save money and it makes me feel like a good mom. The only things that I have been buying have been the gerber puff and yogurt melts but as soon as I get some time and a recipe I will be making those myself.

I'm still pumping but it is getting to the point I should hang it up. It takes me 3 days or so to get 6 oz so she isn't even getting a bottle a day anymore. I knew this day would come I just wish it would have came on my terms. Once again, I had a plan of nursing/supplementing till she was a year old and it just isn't going to happen. This move may be just as hard as moving Reagan to her crib from our room a few months ago. Pumping, no matter how little made me feel like I was doing something good, I was being a good mom. I also feel that if I quit pumping that I was just that, a quitter. I know crazy right!? So I tell myself, when the bag of storage bags is gone I'm done pumping...but we shall see.

Being a working mama and trying to breastfeed is hard but it is just as hard to be a mom and breastfeed period! Through all this though as long as baby is healthy, happy and growing then I'm doing my job just like every other mom.

Echocardiogram

Yesterday we had Reagan's echo done. It was nothing invasive and took about a half hour-45 minutes. However, keeping a 7 month old on her back and entertained for that long is no easy task. Especially a little girl who does not like to lay on her back anymore and would rather sit up! Now we wait for a call from the doctor and if all is good we go back in 2 years.

Other exciting news, Reagan is officially mobile. I'm hoping to catch her crawling on video because it is quite comical. Although you can tell she she wants to get up and walk. She can pull herself halfway up on you when you are sitting or she grabs onto your pants. All this growing up makes me sad but so excited to see what she learns next. She also says mama and dada ahh melt my heart!!

We are going camping tonight through Sunday just a quick getaway nothing exciting. However, I will finally get the chance to go check out the amish that live around there! Plus there are some cool looking antique shops which I've always wanted to go look at.

Cardiology Appointment

Yesterday we saw the pediatric cardiologist for Reagan and her heart murmur. To say this mama was scared would have been a huge understatement. This appointment has been on my calender since her 2 month check-up 5 months ago (umm how is my child already 7 months old?). I really had no idea what was going to happen at this appointment, what tests if any would be run, how long it would last etc etc. The nurse called me Monday to inform me that they would be taking blood pressure from both arms and legs, an ekg and her pulsocs (?)  plus get her weight and height. She said that most babies end up having a few meltdowns when one or all of these thing occur so I needed to bring her favorite toy, a bottle and pacifier. Cue another moment of sheer panic. I did try to keep reminding myself that if her pediatrician thought there was a big issue we wouldn't have waited the 5 months and she would be such a growing girl.

We arrived to the hospital and went up to our appointment which was on the 2nd floor where L & D is and that made a little nostalgic! We were quickly taken back to our room where we got her completely naked and of course with my child she peed all over the bed! She was so happy though to be naked because here lately putting clothes on her has become a struggle! She weighs 18lbs and is 28 inches long. So in a month she has put on 10oz and grew and inch and a half. Then we had to do the blood pressure which started out fine but then the machine didn't want to read so we had to redo a couple and she was not a fan. The EKG was next and to see all those wires and such on your baby was just too much for me. I'm still surprised that I was able to keep it together.

The cardiologist came in and went over a bunch of stuff like what a murmur is, abnormal versus normal, her history, our history etc etc. Then he listened to her chest which she wanted nothing of anymore. She was tired of laying on the table and she just wanted me to hold her.

Turns out that baby girl actually has 2 heart murmurs. One is softer and I for the life of me I cannot remember the name of it but it is the kind that is gone by the time she is 2. The other one is called an innocent murmur. These kind have no bearing on anything and it is just something she will always have. We are doing an echo cardiogram (?) on Tuesday just to ensure that it is what he believes it to be. He will call us after we do that and talk to us. As long as that is good we don't have to go back and see him for 2 years. Phew, this mama can now breathe a lot easier knowing that Reagan is just fine.