A Baby Changes Everything

Christmas Eve, already!! Seriously where did the year go?

I cannot wait for Reagan's first Christmas tomorrow. I know she won't know what is going on and she will have more fun with the paper and boxes but it is still something I will treasure forever. I've waited for this day when I get to have my own little family on Christmas morning.

I am a huge sucker for the traditional Christmas songs, Silent Night and The First Noel are my absolute favorites. However, the other day I had CMT on and this song came on. By the time it was over I was crying, tears streaming down my face. I don't get religious on this blog because I have my views and you all have yours and we may not agree and that is okay but this song, yea, wow.

It is true, a baby changes everything.



Here is our first family Christmas card. Some people will be getting theirs after Christmas but it is the thought that counts right?

Christmas2013

View the entire collection of cards.

Here in just a week I will also have a 1 year old. Yea more on that later.

Merry Christmas everyone!

Introducing...

So remember a while ago that I mentioned I was working on a little project? Well, I introduced it to the world via pinterest this morning and now I am sharing it with all of you. I decided to start a second blog. This new blog will chronicle my weight loss journey. I want this blog to remain what it is, an infertility, parenting, pictures of an adorable baby and sometime in the future the story to baby #2. Therefore, I decided to start the second blog. Of course I will still be updating this one along with the other (call me crazy right!) Without further ado, I would like to invite you all to look at

www.selfishmomma.blogspot.com

Christmas Pictures and Bad Baby

There are way to many talented photographers in this area. Seriously, it makes it hard to choose who does what pictures and such. I love love love the photog who does Reagan's milestone ones. I probably have said it before but she did our wedding so she does hold a special place in my heart. I will continue to use her no doubt. But then, there is a young and super talented photographer who is going to be doing my brother's wedding next June. I've stalked her on facebook and have always liked her work. She offers a lot of mini sessions fairly cheap so I love using her for those! She is the one who did the mommy and me and her Halloween. When she offered a Christmas mini for $100 I jumped on it! Normally we don't do Christmas cards but when you have a little cutie you have to show her off! Those of you that are facebook friends with me have already seen them but for those of you who aren't (please feel free to add me!) here are my favorites from the session.

Reagan is such a chatter box these days.  Not everything is coherent but she does say some things very clearly beyond momma and dada. Puppy and kitty are favorites, along with Kate. Her newest one which she has picked up at the sitters is bad baby. When you ask her how she was at the sitter she answers bad baby. I promise she isn't a bad baby all the time (except when she took an ornament off J's tree and chucked it!) but to hear her say it is adorable.

9 Month Pictures

Seriously, 9 month pictures. The next ones will be 1 year. I'm not sure if I'm mentally prepared for that. Although, I did see in an email that I get that talks about the milestones your baby has this quote...

It kills you to see them grow up. 

But I guess it would kill you quicker if they didn't.

Barbara Kingsolver

What a powerful statement. It seriously made me stop in my tracks this morning as I was reading it. I couldn't imagine not having that wiggly, giggly, sometimes cranky, Ms. Independent little girl.

So back to happy thoughts, here is the preview of her pictures along with the link to see them all!

www.photographybyluann.com Then click on view proofs and her session was in October.

 

Bullet Points

I know this sounds like a broken record but I have a few posts that I start and don't finish due to time or thoughts change or what have you. So right now, instead of a complete post, bullet points are all I have.

*I have a 10 month old, double digits. Yea I'm not sure how it happened either.
*She has 6 teeth and is working on some more. Matt says soon she will be asking for steak for supper.
*She stands on her own, a little wobbly but stands.
*She took her first steps, at the sitters. For the first time I didn't want to be a working mom anymore. I beat myself up pretty good over that but that guilt is for another post.
*Harvest is winding down, thank goodness
*How is it November already?
*We have family pictures next Saturday, I have yet to find Reagan a Christmas dress.
*Reagan says, mama, dada, puppy, kitty (well more like ki but we think it means kitty), up, all gone, bad, bye bye
*When you tell her no, she laughs.
*I'm still reading your blogs even though I haven't been commenting lately. The same goes for the facebook groups I'm a part of.
*I am working on a new project, maybe someday it will get finished.

Now for some pictures from Halloween, the cutest ladybug I've ever seen!

Have a great weekend!

Tuesday Thoughts

Thanks to Pinterest.


Harvest is here. Say a prayer that it gets over soon and we can return to our normal lives!



I need some time with my cows, seriously! Time to decompress and be around things that make me happy.

 
Yup. Nothing more needs said.

 
And finally for some giggles because I swear they all come out during harvest...

Happy Tuesday!

It Was the Best of Times, It Was the Worst of Times...

Pumping that is.

Today is my first full day of not pumping and while I am okay with the decision, but I didn't get there overnight. It took me over a month to decide that this was the best time to quit pumping. I knew with harvest approaching it would be near impossible. Plus, it wouldn't be fair to the other counterparts in the office to leave them hanging.

When I made the decision to quit pumping I went back and forth quite a few times. I placed a lot of guilt on myself which was completely unwarranted I know but nonetheless I did. My guilt came from the feeling of quitting. I have never been a quitter, even on certain things or jobs but I was raised that if you started something you finished it. Yet here I was, giving up before I reached my goal of one year. I was quitting. Irrational yes, a bit dramatic of course but this is how I felt. Then I started thinking of other things. I don't have to pack the pump, make sure I have enough storage bags, cleaning pieces and parts, it feels liberating. For example, I have to work today and be at work by 8. My brother and future sis in law are watching Reagan and they go to 7:30 mass so I had to have Reagan to my parents by 7.  I got to sleep an extra half hour because I didn't have to pump this morning.  Plus I didn't have to drag another bag out the door. Score!

So tonight I have to clean the pump and I am going to put it away in the closet and hoping that I will need it again.

If I Had to Choose Again...

4 years ago today on  bright sunshiney gorgeous September day I said I do to an amazing man. A man who has seen me at my worst, a man who has seen me at my best and every where in between. I couldn't imagine spending my life with anyone else.

I've wanted to write a post about Matt for awhile, ever since Reagan was born I have wanted too but other things have come up and it keeps getting pushed to the back burner. So no time like your anniversary right!

My open letter to Matt,

There was no love at first sight for me, I didn't have time for a boyfriend and quite frankly didn't want one. Little did I know the plans God had for us when I met you that night. As time went on you were always there through those crazy high school years and somehow I think you knew what was coming when I went off to college. I broke your heart over a phone call, it wasn't fair to you and down right cruel to just drop you like a hot potato. I won't lie though, I had a blast in college but you did cross my mind, when a song would come on, driving somewhere, eating at a restaurant. Maybe it was subliminal hints, telling me who I was meant to be with. Running into you at Burger King that summer day I'm pretty sure was fate. Hanging out that summer felt comfortable, like that old worn in hooded sweatshirt in the back of your closet. From that point on, I knew in my heart I was going to marry you.

Source-Pinterest

Our wedding day was everything I had ever hoped for. While the cards have faded, pictures put away the memories are still there and will always be close to my heart. Our first years of marriage weren't perfect. We had our ups and downs like any couple but it made us stronger and our love deeper. They say love grows in little houses and I couldn't agree more. When we knew we were ready to have a baby you were my rock when things didn't go as they should have. Your no nonsense approach was what kept me grounded and pushed me to keep going. You knew it would happen and it did.

The day we had Reagan I was so scared. I wanted her to arrive safely and knew a c-section was the only way to guarantee that. You being there and supporting me in whichever way we decided to go was priceless. Then I sent you home to gather up all the bags and extra stuff. To this day I'm still surprised you were able to get it all there. I melted the first time I saw you holding her and even now my favorite site is you and her together.

While things aren't always perfect, we worry, we fight, we make up please know that on my darkest days you are always there and when you slip and stumble I am there for you to pick you right back up. There are days I take you for granted but please know that I would be lost without you. I am the luckiest woman because I get to call you my husband and father to our children. So happy anniversary Matt, I love you with all my heart. 

Source-Pinterest

Checking In

I feel like it has been forever since I have had an update on Reagan. Time just slips away because I now have an 8 month old, like seriously!

She has learned to pull herself up onto everything! The sitter said on Friday she came back to her standing up in the crib just smiling away. Reagan has added her fingerprints to the collection on the back door at the sitters as well. After seeing her standing up in her own crib we lowered it way down so now when she stands up in it she can't topple over.

We are babbling, talking and yelling and sometimes all at once. Baba is the favorite word followed by Mama (not being biased at all!). I still have not heard Dada (Matt says he has) though so I just told him we know who the favorite is!

We have 4 teeth coming in all at once. Poor girl has been a champ through it. There are times when she is fussier and doesn't know whether she wants held or to be left alone. At those times it is best to give her a cold chew toy, lambie (her favorite blanket), binks and put her in her crib.

She will take a few assisted steps but nothing major yet. Getting anything done around the house with her crawling everywhere is darn near impossible. When I am trying to get things done she spends time in baby jail (aka the play pen). She also manages to find everything that the sweeper or swiffer has missed and feels that it needs to go into her mouth.

She understands the word No but doesn't always like to abide by it. The first time you say no she smiles, the second time she giggles and by the 3rd time I have moved her away from the object and usually a tantrum ensues. Lord help me when her terrible 2's come along.

Hey new friend!

After swimming bottle with Aunt Nikki

Blueberries-1 Brutus-0

Um Mom please let me out

Calling All Ladies!!!

Because I have been feeling so awesome since starting on advocare I decided to do another 24 day challenge. I'm inviting all of you (if you want of course) to join me.

All you have to do is order by tomorrow to get your product and we are starting on the 3rd. If you click on the tab at the top that says My Advocare Site then click on shop. The 24 day challenge button is at the bottom.

If you are still nursing, shoot me an e-mail at mefredritz at gmail dot com and I can help you order the correct products.

Hopefully some of you decide to join me!

Feeding a Baby-Working Mama Style

**This is my post for the PAIL Bloggers monthly theme. 

The theme for August is Feeding Your Child**

There is a country song that has a line in it, "If you want to hear God laugh, tell Him your plan," and at first I never paid attention to that line but as time has gone on, it really hits home. I had a plan when it came to feeding my child, yet like so many other things (our journey to get pregnant!) it didn't work out how I wanted it too...

Even before I was pregnant, actually before I ever thought of becoming pregnant I knew that I was going to breastfeed and my hope and goal was to breastfeed exclusively. I would like to tell you that I did a ton of research on the benefits of breastfeeding for mom and baby but I didn't. My knowledge of breast is best came from something I knew about, my cows. When our cows calve we prefer to leave the babies with the mama's for at least 6 months because it is better for the calf and helps the mama breed back easier. In my eyes this was enough of a reason to know that I was going to breastfeed. Then as my pregnancy continued I learned of other benefits of breastfeeding, weight loss, quicker healing, cost, etc. Again, enough of a reason for me. 

The first bump in my breastfeeding road came when we had an unplanned c-section. Everything went smooth but I didn't get that immediate skin to skin like I had wanted. However, it didn't seem to bother Reagan since she had no issues latching. This made me excited, made me think that this breastfeeding thing was going to be a breeze! Then the jaundice issue arrived. Her pediatrician called it breastfeeding jaundice and suggested that we give her some formula. Not news to tell a new first time mama who had post partum hormones running rampant! Thankfully I was keeping her satisfied and she hardly took any formula. The only other hiccup we had was that she would not nurse underneath a blanket or nursing cover which made it difficult with all the doctor appointments so Reagan learned to switch back and forth from a bottle to breast with no issues. Again, we knew we were so lucky! 

Then I went back to work at 7 1/2 weeks and that is where the issues started. This is also the point that I wish I would have done some research on pumping and storing. As I went back to work my actual nursing sessions became less and less frequent and my supply fell off. I tried everything, oatmeal, mothers milk tea, power pumping, beer and nothing would make a lasting difference. I had told myself that if I had to supplement I would and I wouldn't get upset about it when I started shopping at the formula section of Wal-Mart. However, there was a piece of me that felt like I failed. I know there are tons of working moms who are able to exclusively pump/nurse and I would compare myself to them. I felt like well if they could why couldn't I? I even felt that green eyed jealousy monster towards the moms who were able to stay home longer with their new babes. Not right but I swear once you have been pregnant your hormones are never the same! Then after awhile I let it go, knew I was doing the best thing for Reagan but every once in awhile I will see someone talking about breastfeeding exclusively and it still stings.

Then we started on foods and I have been making her food for her, nothing fancy by any means. However, it does save money and it makes me feel like a good mom. The only things that I have been buying have been the gerber puff and yogurt melts but as soon as I get some time and a recipe I will be making those myself.

I'm still pumping but it is getting to the point I should hang it up. It takes me 3 days or so to get 6 oz so she isn't even getting a bottle a day anymore. I knew this day would come I just wish it would have came on my terms. Once again, I had a plan of nursing/supplementing till she was a year old and it just isn't going to happen. This move may be just as hard as moving Reagan to her crib from our room a few months ago. Pumping, no matter how little made me feel like I was doing something good, I was being a good mom. I also feel that if I quit pumping that I was just that, a quitter. I know crazy right!? So I tell myself, when the bag of storage bags is gone I'm done pumping...but we shall see.

Being a working mama and trying to breastfeed is hard but it is just as hard to be a mom and breastfeed period! Through all this though as long as baby is healthy, happy and growing then I'm doing my job just like every other mom.

Echocardiogram

Yesterday we had Reagan's echo done. It was nothing invasive and took about a half hour-45 minutes. However, keeping a 7 month old on her back and entertained for that long is no easy task. Especially a little girl who does not like to lay on her back anymore and would rather sit up! Now we wait for a call from the doctor and if all is good we go back in 2 years.

Other exciting news, Reagan is officially mobile. I'm hoping to catch her crawling on video because it is quite comical. Although you can tell she she wants to get up and walk. She can pull herself halfway up on you when you are sitting or she grabs onto your pants. All this growing up makes me sad but so excited to see what she learns next. She also says mama and dada ahh melt my heart!!

We are going camping tonight through Sunday just a quick getaway nothing exciting. However, I will finally get the chance to go check out the amish that live around there! Plus there are some cool looking antique shops which I've always wanted to go look at.

Cardiology Appointment

Yesterday we saw the pediatric cardiologist for Reagan and her heart murmur. To say this mama was scared would have been a huge understatement. This appointment has been on my calender since her 2 month check-up 5 months ago (umm how is my child already 7 months old?). I really had no idea what was going to happen at this appointment, what tests if any would be run, how long it would last etc etc. The nurse called me Monday to inform me that they would be taking blood pressure from both arms and legs, an ekg and her pulsocs (?)  plus get her weight and height. She said that most babies end up having a few meltdowns when one or all of these thing occur so I needed to bring her favorite toy, a bottle and pacifier. Cue another moment of sheer panic. I did try to keep reminding myself that if her pediatrician thought there was a big issue we wouldn't have waited the 5 months and she would be such a growing girl.

We arrived to the hospital and went up to our appointment which was on the 2nd floor where L & D is and that made a little nostalgic! We were quickly taken back to our room where we got her completely naked and of course with my child she peed all over the bed! She was so happy though to be naked because here lately putting clothes on her has become a struggle! She weighs 18lbs and is 28 inches long. So in a month she has put on 10oz and grew and inch and a half. Then we had to do the blood pressure which started out fine but then the machine didn't want to read so we had to redo a couple and she was not a fan. The EKG was next and to see all those wires and such on your baby was just too much for me. I'm still surprised that I was able to keep it together.

The cardiologist came in and went over a bunch of stuff like what a murmur is, abnormal versus normal, her history, our history etc etc. Then he listened to her chest which she wanted nothing of anymore. She was tired of laying on the table and she just wanted me to hold her.

Turns out that baby girl actually has 2 heart murmurs. One is softer and I for the life of me I cannot remember the name of it but it is the kind that is gone by the time she is 2. The other one is called an innocent murmur. These kind have no bearing on anything and it is just something she will always have. We are doing an echo cardiogram (?) on Tuesday just to ensure that it is what he believes it to be. He will call us after we do that and talk to us. As long as that is good we don't have to go back and see him for 2 years. Phew, this mama can now breathe a lot easier knowing that Reagan is just fine.

Her First Fair...

We survived the fair! Taking Reagan out of her routine for 7 days straight made me a tad nervous especially since she has been teething (although we don't have any yet!). However, Reagan took it like a champ! She kept her same sleep schedule, loved all the stroller rides, loved all the sights and sounds and loved being around all the people who absolutely adored her. She was quite the attraction and a lot of people remember her from being the first baby of the new year. While I did have a lot of work to do we got some great family time in. Usually every night we would walk around just the 3 of us and call me crazy but I have always wanted to walk around the fair pushing a stroller with my little family.

Hanging with her new bff Zaine

Who needs a horse when you can ride a calf

Dairy Feeder day so we had to rock our dairy bib

Checking out the goats. Matt is now convinced that we need to have some goats.

Just being a rockstar

I let my food standards fly out the window last week so we are back at this week. I am going to start taking an exercise class 2x a week starting next week. Wish me luck!

6 Month Pictures and Farmers Market Goodies!

The fact that I have a 6 month old just blows my mind. Seriously, she is a half a year old and it seems like just yesterday Matt and I were bringing her home! She is growing and changing everyday it seems. She does get up on all fours like she wants to crawl but is only able to go backwards. She has lunged forward a few times so it won't be long before she will be all over the place. We still have no teeth but she is just working away at chewing. She can now sit all by herself for extended periods and hates to be on her back about as much as she used to hate tummy time. We have "conversations" and we are working on mama and dada, nothing yet. I have told Matt that if she says dada first that doesn't mean she is his favorite! She had her 6 month appointment Friday and she weighed 17.6lbs and is 26.5 inches long. For the past appointments she has been right at the 50th percentile but this time she jumped above it. Both the doctor and I were pleased with all the progress. He did still hear her heart murmur so we are still going to see the cardiologist on August 6th.

Saturday I had to work at noon due to wheat harvest but I was able to run into the farmers market in Tiffin and get some good produce. Matt and I planted a garden but the only thing that has been growing is the lettuce and sweet corn. Call me crazy but I have been making all of Reagan's baby food and frankly, it is really easy. So having a variety of fresh vegetables for her food was the main reason for the garden. Anyways since the garden isn't growing I've been relying on the farmers market for items and I got some yummy goodies! Peaches, blueberries, green beans, cherries and since our sweet corn isn't ripe I bought some sweet corn as well. So my goal this week is to make the cherries, peaches, green beans and sweet potatos for Reagan. She has ate everything so far (carrots, peas and squash) and loved it. We try a food for about a week before moving onto the next.

Since it's been a while I apologize for the picture overload!

The professional 6 month pictures. To view the rest go to www.photographybyluann.com and click on view images.

This picture finally happened after many many many attempts.

She loves going for walks!

Aunt Katie thought it would be fun to spike her hair after her bath.

First pony tail!

Aunt Katie was showing her the chickens, Reagan was intrigued!

  Also if you notice up in the corner I added an Instagram feed. I would love for you to follow me! My username is mefredritz.

Blog Lovin

<a href="http://www.bloglovin.com/blog/5057851/?claim=b74ew2sh5b3">Follow my blog with Bloglovin</a>

Apparently I live under a rock and google reader is going to expire? Another blogger had this posted so I am following suite so I don't loose you guys!

Another Spin Around the Sun

This is a submission for PAIL Bloggers June Theme which focuses on looking back.

June 2012. What a whirlwind of a month. Matt and I were pregnant, we saw the test, had the betas and at the beginning of June saw our little peanut and heard the heartbeat. I remember lying on the table with tears in my eyes and Matt squeezing my hand as we looked at the screen. It was such an amazing sight and sound. After that appointment we said goodbye to Dr. S because we were moving on, back to my regular OB. It was sad to say goodbye because even though we had only spent 2 cycles with him he was the reason we were seeing and hearing that heartbeat. I was going to miss the nurses and their excitement for us. Don't get me wrong, I like my OB but to them I was just another pregnant lady, well until they saw my chart.

My favorite part of June was scheduling the appointment with my photographer to do a fun shoot announcing our pregnancy. L our photographer was so excited for us and loved the ideas I had.

My favorite picture and the way we told friends, family and of course facebook!

Looking back, I didn't know if we would be where we are today, with a little girl who is almost 6 months old. Who has started to have her own personality, is trying to crawl and growing up way to fast. When we started this journey in January of 2011 I had no idea that the things I know now existed. I knew people who had trouble conceiving but didn't know more than that. I didn't know about trigger shots, femera, HSG's, or heck what an RE could even do. The journey wasn't what I wanted but I think in a weird way it was what Matt and I needed to strengthen our marriage. I know so much more about myself and my body that I wouldn't take back.

While there are moments that I still look back at our journey, wondering how I made it through without falling apart, I prefer to look forward. I look forward to watching Reagan continue to grow and come into her own and what Matt and I's next venture is (actually more on that after tonight hopefully!!!).

Happy Happy Happy!

Seriously over joyed with some wonderful news that started Friday and has carried into today. A dear sweet friend (who my mom had in school, our moms are friends and her mom was the major mastermind behind so many of the decorations and such at my wedding) got her BFP on Friday. I know I've mentioned before that Laura is the reason that I blog. Her blog opened up the whole world of infertility to me. I thought I was alone in my struggle but her openness about her heartaches and hope allowed me to connect with her and so many other amazing ladies I have met along this journey. When I saw the picture, I was sitting at my desk trying to think of how to not let the tears spill down my face just in case a farmer should walk in and want to talk about the markets. Like I wouldn't have been able to focus on the markets anyways!!!

When I saw Laura's mom on Saturday she started tearing up just talking about it which made me tear up since I am such a sap these days! I am so overjoyed with this news. I cannot wait for your u/s on the 3rd. I can't wait to follow this pregnancy like you did with me always being there with sweet words when I needed to hear them.

Congrats dear friend!

24 Day Challenge-Checking In

So here I am, day 12 of the 24 day challenge, halfway there. The best part is being done with the cleanse and the nasty fiber drink. I would seriously chug this drink in the morning then chug 1-2 glasses of water after. I will admit that I wasn't perfect on the cleanse. The way I see it, life happens and circumstances are out of your control sometimes. Even on the days I didn't do the best I still only strayed maybe 15-20%. Plus, I felt like crap after eating crap which just proved a point that I don't need that stuff. I will say the hardest part was making sure I was eating enough. I was so full at times that I know I wasn't getting enough calories. Finally though, I think I have it figured out.

Some random things I have learned:

-I tried Almond Milk for the first time. It's okay. I still prefer a glass of dairy milk but I do have to watch how much I drink because it can give Reagan gas and that child does not need any help in that area =)

- My sleep has been so much more refreshing. I've even been going to bed later and still waking up at the same time and I'm not sleepy.

-PB2 is amazing, seriously

-I have a peanut butter addiction

-Washing your fruit is an absolute must! No more waxy grapes and strawberries going bad after a few days.

-Apples and peanut butter are amazing together

-Did I mention I love peanut butter?

-Quinoa is good, I made a burrito bowl to rival Chipotle with it and it was darn good.

I made a promise to avoid the scale and measurements until the challenge was over. I will say that some pants fit better as well as some shirts. Most importantly though, I feel better

24 Day Challenge

Here we go with my first ever 24 day challenge with Advocare. I started the challenge on Saturday that way it was the start of a month and my OCDness would be happy. My plan is slightly modified since I am still nursing. D (the friend from HS who is helping me out) made an awesome spread sheet for me so it is basically idiot proof which is exactly what this busy mama needs.

Also at her suggestion I took some before pictures. This is the one time I wish there was a full length mirror in my house but it is okay. I tried looking for a full length picture of myself and to no surprise at all I didn't find one.

I've said it before, I've struggled with my weight my entire life. I wish there was a magic pill to make it go away but there isn't. This challenge isn't going to be a cake walk. I'm sure there are going to be days when I want a diet coke, or that candy bar from the machine but it just ain't gonna happen.It is going to be a slow process, I didn't put the weight on in a day and I can't expect it to come off in a day.

What I'm really hoping to get out of this 24 day challenge is the motivation to keep going. I'm hoping I see some results and it helps pull me through the next hurdle.

The goods

I actually thought I should have done a duck face

Yup still look pregnant here

And I couldn't help but add a picture of this smiling through her hands cutie!

First Camping Trip, Mommy and Me, annnnddd Lactation Cookies Oh My!

Call us brave or dumb but we went camping over Memorial Day weekend. It was such a cold chilly weekend, not like I had hoped our first camping trip with Reagan would be. The amount of items to stock a camper for the first trip is a lot and it is expensive. Add a baby on top of that and whew the amount of stuff tripled.

I was nervous about her sleeping schedule. She has always been such a good sleeper and I don't want to jinx it! Well, I didn't have a darn thing to worry about, she kept her normal schedule. She was a tired girl when we got home on Monday though because she slept the whole way home and took a 3 hour nap in the afternoon.

Since it was so cold, Reagan only went on a short boat ride and didn't get to do any swimming =( but we did go on plenty of walks and I'm not sure who loved it more, Reagan or Zoe. I have so many pictures to upload off of my camera and do you think I remembered it, of course not.

I'm sure a lot of mom's would agree with me that there just aren't as many pictures of the kids and you as maybe just the kids or dad and kids because we are usually the ones behind the lens. A local photography that I follow on facebook (and who is actually going to be the photographer and my brothers wedding next year) offered a mini session called Mommy and Me. I jumped on it because I knew I would get some good pictures of Reagan and I. Boy was I right. Here are a few of my favorites!

 I am still pumping for Reagan but I can only get about a 5oz bottle a day. I've tried Moth.ers milk tea and other herbs but not really any luck. Drinking a beer after a pumping session does increase the next 2 but I'm just not a big beer drinker although Sum.mer Shan.dy is good as well as shock.top and ber.ry we.iss. On pin.terest one day I saw a recipe for lactation cookies. Cookies that could help my milk supply I think it is a complete win win! They used whole wheat flour (I got mine at the amish bulk food store, wayyy cheaper than any grocery), flax seed, and oats. It calls for brewers yeast but I have yet to find it. I was in the baking mood on Sunday and made a single batch which yielded about 2 1/2 dozen. OMG they are so good! Matt even ate them and loved them. I'm not sure if I truly am seeing an increase but in my head I think I am so hey whatever works.

Why You Won't Find a Full Length Mirror in My House

A few months ago I decided to add my blog to the PAIL blogroll. It was someplace to find some new blogs and maybe, just maybe get some new readers. Well, their monthly theme for May is body image.

Whew, talk about a subject that we all have opinion on and as sad as it sounds I'm sure I would be hard pressed to find a single female who wouldn't want to change something about her body. To me that is sad, so so sad. Yet, I am so guilty of it. There are days I think well, if I didn't have that back fat this shirt would look better, if I didn't have the belly these pants would look better, my ears are too big, my forehead to big (I honestly could keep going). I have always been overweight even though I would kill to have my HS body back because I thought I was fat then! I've always had poor body image but I know I need to change that, especially if I don't want Reagan to grow up this way.

Kudos to pin.terest

During my pregnancy I really didn't care about body image. I was carrying another person so who cares what I look like, was my attitude. After having Reagan I've slipped back into the I hate my body state of mind. Actually, I think it is worse, way worse.  Our diets have gotten worse because the day goes by so fast. I know that is a big excuse but it is true. The minute I get home from work I just want to hang out with Reagan not think about making supper! The weekends are so crammed full of places to go and cleaning to catch up on I don't think to make meals ahead for the week. I know it has to change, it NEEDS to change! I've decided to spend a little money on myself and do the advocare 24 day challenge. I will be doing a whole post on it so stay tuned! This is a way for me to focus on me that way Reagan will have a healthy and happy momma! Reagan, Zoe and I have started taking walks at night. Reagan loves walks, Zoe loves walks and it is a way for me to spend time with each and get a tired dog in the process. My goal is to get at least 3 times a week, small steps right!?

So it has been hard, it still is hard for me to find time to focus on me, my body image and how I am going to improve it but with the 24 day challenge I have a starting point.

Tis the Season

Nope not talking about Christmas, I'm talking about spring planting. The time of year that I become a farm widow, dinners get later and later, I'm not sure how there is dirt left in the field because I think my husband brought it all in on his clothes, time of year.

Don't get me wrong, I love spring like love love love it. The ability to open my windows, air out the house, get down and dirty with the cleaning, fresh cut grass, tractor rides and the smell of freshly tilled dirt. My allergies also come back with a vengeance and I think poor Reagan has inherited my allergies, poor baby.

This year is different in the fact that I not only turn into a farm widow but also a single parent. Matt is working later and Reagan is usually asleep by the time he comes in and isn't much help in the mornings because of the early start. Plus to top it off, he got poison ivy. He didn't realize he had it at first but now it is almost gone. This meant he couldn't even hold her if he did get done at a decent time. It was actually sad because he would walk by her and she would look up at him like please pick me up dad, don't you love me anymore. It was tough on him too because he usually does the last feeding duty and rocks her for a bit.

Thankfully, all the corn is in the ground and we only have about 100 acres of beans left and this whole single parent thing can stop for awhile. Having to do this on my own has made me appreciate just how much Matt does do to help me. I'd say I'm pretty darn blessed!

Speaking of being blessed, Mothers day was nice. I will say, whoever decided mothers day should be in May was obviously not married to a farmer. We went to dinner Saturday night with Matt's parents and had dinner Sunday night with mine. Since Matt was farming he we just did breakfast (by that I mean he went and got McDonald's) and then went to fields. Reagan and I went to church and to CVS (because they had formula on sale!) and back home to do laundry and that spring cleaning I talked about. Exciting right, but it doesn't matter.  I hope you all had an amazing mothers day whether you celebrated with your mom, or you got to celebrate holding your babies or those of you still waiting to hold your baby. My thoughts were with you all.

4 Month Checkup

Friday was Reagan's 4 month checkup. I feel like I'm always saying woah time please slow down, she can't be 4 months old already!!

Measurements:
13lbs 1.5oz
25 inches long

She is in the 50th percentile for both of those. Actually right on the line for the 50th. So my baby girl is just average. The doctor did not seem to think that we needed to change anything because she is growing and is happy and healthy.

He did, however, still hear her heart murmur. It has not gotten worse but it hasn't gotten better like he expected. He recommended that we see a cardiologist just to ensure everything is fine. He truly believes that it will resolve itself but would like the second opinion. There is a cardiologist that comes from Toledo to the hospital and that is one he recommended. The earliest appointment isn't until August 6th. Dr. P (the pediatrician) said Reagan isn't showing signs of having a heart issue such as turning blue, feeding troubles or not growing which makes me feel better. She then had 3 shots, 1 oral and 2 shots which she took like a pro!

I mentioned feeding her cereal, which part of me doesn't want too because that means she is growing  up wayyy to fast but the other part says, whatever keeps her full and happy! Dr. P said not to start cereal till next month. She has had a few spoonfuls of cereal at the sitters (with my permission) and she loved it so I'm not worried about the transition.

All smiles at the doctors!

Looking at the cows with dad

Sitting on the gator, it was still a bit cool for a ride